Have you ever rode downtown and looked in store windows to see a reflection of your legs as you ride? Have you ever looked at park cars to see how clean they are, to see if you can see your legs on the door panels? Do you ever stop at a red light, check for hotties and then give the legs a shake and send rippling waves of flesh and steel down to your feet?
Well all you fine athletic specimens, why don't we have a thigh naming competition to see who has the coolest name for their greatest assets!
Rules (don't worry it's simple):
- THE COMPETITION IS OPEN TO EVERYONE.
- You have to have one name for each leg. (Don't be a hoser no swear words, and nothing you wouldn't say to a dude or a chick on the first date).
- The final twist to this great little contest is that you have to use your thigh names in a Limerick poem.
The winner of the contest will receive some Speed Theory swag, details to follow (don't worry it will be cool, this much effort will be worth it).
How to win:
Put your responses into the comments and we'll update this post with the entries! For team members: we may even get Trev to post them as our nicknames for the team.
Example:
To get the ball rolling for everyone, here is mine:
Thigh names: Hans and Franz
Limerick:
Cyclings no place for a Girlie Man
Why don't you sit in a hair salon
You are no climber
Or even Time Trialer
Hans and Franz will be putting the Pump On!
Make sure you all put your thigh names and limerick in the comments section so we can all see everyones names and poems. (be sure to include your rough identity, it would suck if the prize went to 'ladiesMan69' and we had no idea who that was)
Have fun and ride safe.
Dan
The left one is really quite frightening;
ReplyDeleteWhile the right one is clearly enlightening;
They are truly the things of lore;
As if unleashed from the Anvil of Thor;
The unbridled power of Thunder & Lightning!
When work is the some old gay story,
ReplyDeleteand my wife is out being whorey,
the bills just keep coming,
soon I'll be slumming,
I take solice I've still got The Pride & The Glory!
Like a little girl I get so giggly
ReplyDeleteAnd my little legs get uncontrollably wiggly
Honestly it is quite frightening
When I look over at Thunder & Lightning
And then compare them to my Kermit & Miss Piggy.
Submitted on Behalf of Kyle Marcotte
I sure loved the trailer park in the summa',
ReplyDeleteLeg pressing old cars with my chumma's,
A quad flex that measures 4 Richter,
Nothing's broken crank-arms and frames too much quicker,
Scaring punks with Double-Wide and Yo-Momma !
Submitted on behalf of Alex the 'A-Train' :)
Bow down to my lyrical superiority!
ReplyDeleteTo enhance my cycling prowess
I put my legs under duress
with intent like a pirannha
and like the lions of Botswana
I ride with the Ghost and the Darkness
They’re beautiful, soft and girlie.
ReplyDeleteThey start just below the curlies.
They refuse to feel burn,
But a few heads they turn,
I call them Laverne and Shirley.
Trev's whorey wife
Names: Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman
ReplyDeleteA triathlon I have entered in,
can I count on Medicine woman and Dr. Quinn,
these quads through the spandex I show,
in this race will I again blow,
another finish for the dump bin.
Hal
This is close (I dropped out of grade 10 poetry)...
ReplyDeleteI still can't believe I'm turning 30,
I walked up to this girl, she said 'no flirty!'
Climbing hills can be fun
Racing crits? I'd rather run!
Who you talkn' to? I'm White & Nerdy!
FW
In between them is my wang,
ReplyDeletewhich the shorts won't let hang,
Because they are white,
this won't seem right,
Introducing BA Barakus and Clubber Lang
Rod M
THERE WAS AN OLD MAN NAMED BRUCE,
ReplyDeleteWHO ALLOWED HIS THIGHS TO FLY LOOSE,
THE LEFT HE CALLED TEENEY
THE RIGHT WAS CALLED WEENEY
ARE THEY YOURS OR ARE YOU RIDING A GOOSE ?
Bruce Williams
The muscles once bulged in my thigh,
ReplyDeleteTil the surgery on the knee went awry,
Though in rehab I lunged,
The bulk was expunged,
So I'm now left with Olive and Popeye.
Summary after day 1:
ReplyDeleteThe Accounting Nerd is pale & pasty
While Laverne & Shirley's are sleek & tasty
How lame is Dr Quinn
And the steroid induced twins?
The Pride and the Glory?
Tell me a story!
Lightning & Thunder looks more like Boy Wonder
And the Lions was written too hasty!
I started as a young up and comer
ReplyDeleteMy days of acting were certainly funner
As I aged I wasn’t getting any faster
So I endorsed the all-might Thigh Master
Now I name them after me, one Suzanne and one Somer
Xena and Warrior Princess are hot, sexy sticks
ReplyDeleteWe ride on the road to get our kicks
Sometimes we pass boys
Riding their expensive toys
And think, man those spandex must be tight on their d*cks. :)
Mandy
I ride in the rain,
ReplyDeleteShave my legs through the pain,
Pray for sunshine and heat,
while I sit on my seat,
and push big gears with "Gimpy" and "Stumplestep"
Jer
Summary after Day 4:
ReplyDeleteThe quiet was broken
Three's company has spoken
Mandy was quiet all morning
But then fired without warning
And noticed our spandex was pokin'.
Jeremy came back just in time
Nothing from Vancouver was a crime
It was a mighty good try,
from our west coast guy
But didn't realize the trick was to rhyme.
I wanted to name them for the characters at Pawtucket;
ReplyDeleteLike Cleveland and Quagmire or Stewie and his bucket;
Or perhaps a Pewterschmidt
But couldn't get the rhyme to fit;
So in the end I had to just say forget it.
The Family Guy
These poems have been quite funny
ReplyDeleteEspecially that trashy mouth honey
I know I'll be grinning
When I dust her with fast spinning
And leaving her to look at my money!
Dan S
Here is the story of Sasquatch and Yeti
ReplyDeleteTwo thighs a thunderin’, all hot and sweaty
These shaggy beasts
Not shorn in the least
To part them and their hair would be petty
Mark S
For Steve G:
ReplyDeleteSteve is tough like an old Chevy Radiator
We really should call him the 'Refrigerator'
His thighs have no name*
which is a terrible shame
Because he rides like a Roman Gladiator
*no name that I am currently aware of
The hills is where I'm known to rumble
ReplyDeleteI like to make my rivals crumble
my legs are quite slight
but pack a huge fight
may I introduce 'Stiltskin' and 'Rumple'
Thigh Names: Sturm und Drang
ReplyDeleteThe suffering won’t last for long
They’ll be leaving the bunch right or wrong
In valiant attack
You’ll soon see their back
As Theory release Sturm und Drang
Sturm und drang is a German phrase meaning “stress and urge”. It was a term used for a literary and philosophical movement in the late 18th century. It has the advantage of being German so you get to pretentiously pronounce it as “shturm und drung” and you can pretend to be an intellectual all at the same time. I can’t imagine how it could lose.
Darryl Parry (dgparryattelusdotnet)
On the trainers we do sit
ReplyDeleteWith Heavy Metal pushing the fit
Dance Mix is strong
Moving the hip crowd along
But it’s ‘Rock and Roll’ that will never quit
Rick M
I'm just a girl therefore I must be as slow as molasses
ReplyDeleteBut I've been taking the Speed Theory spin classes
So very soon
You'll be singing a different tune
When I lay "Mega" and "Hertz" on your @sses
Kim
I'm as dumb as a stump,
ReplyDeleteI pedal with from my rump,
Can't find the rhyme,
Or beat Paul's time,
So I'll be on the toilet takin' a dump.
I have two good friends that have a hard time relaxing
ReplyDeleteSome days they contract so much I end up collapsing
They put others in pain
As I lead out the train
Presenting Alpha and Omega, your end, my beginning
Grant (aka G-Force)
Submitted by Mitzi
ReplyDeleteThere once was a Mom & Pop team
They, 'Hera & Zeus' had a dream
To have thighs of steel
by peddling on a wheel
Now this is an Olympian's dream
I won’t lose my hair
ReplyDeleteI shave my legs
I worry about the size of my ass
I don’t like being referred to as a babe or chick
I am a woman
Held up by my redwoods
So proudly named Thunder and Glory
Sandra