Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Thigh Master Competition: NAME THOSE THIGHS!


Have you ever rode downtown and looked in store windows to see a reflection of your legs as you ride? Have you ever looked at park cars to see how clean they are, to see if you can see your legs on the door panels? Do you ever stop at a red light, check for hotties and then give the legs a shake and send rippling waves of flesh and steel down to your feet?
Well all you fine athletic specimens, why don't we have a thigh naming competition to see who has the coolest name for their greatest assets!

Rules (don't worry it's simple):
  1. THE COMPETITION IS OPEN TO EVERYONE.
  2. You have to have one name for each leg. (Don't be a hoser no swear words, and nothing you wouldn't say to a dude or a chick on the first date).
  3. The final twist to this great little contest is that you have to use your thigh names in a Limerick poem.
Prizes:
The winner of the contest will receive some Speed Theory swag, details to follow (don't worry it will be cool, this much effort will be worth it).

How to win:
Put your responses into the comments and we'll update this post with the entries! For team members: we may even get Trev to post them as our nicknames for the team.


Example:

To get the ball rolling for everyone, here is mine:

Thigh names: Hans and Franz

Limerick:
Cyclings no place for a Girlie Man

Why don't you sit in a hair salon
You are no climber
Or even Time Trialer

Hans and Franz will be putting the Pump On!

Make sure you all put your thigh names and limerick in the comments section so we can all see everyones names and poems. (be sure to include your rough identity, it would suck if the prize went to 'ladiesMan69' and we had no idea who that was)

Have fun and ride safe.
Dan

28 comments:

Paul Anderson said...

The left one is really quite frightening;
While the right one is clearly enlightening;
They are truly the things of lore;
As if unleashed from the Anvil of Thor;
The unbridled power of Thunder & Lightning!

Trev said...

When work is the some old gay story,
and my wife is out being whorey,
the bills just keep coming,
soon I'll be slumming,
I take solice I've still got The Pride & The Glory!

Paul Anderson said...

Like a little girl I get so giggly
And my little legs get uncontrollably wiggly
Honestly it is quite frightening
When I look over at Thunder & Lightning
And then compare them to my Kermit & Miss Piggy.

Submitted on Behalf of Kyle Marcotte

Trev said...

I sure loved the trailer park in the summa',
Leg pressing old cars with my chumma's,
A quad flex that measures 4 Richter,
Nothing's broken crank-arms and frames too much quicker,
Scaring punks with Double-Wide and Yo-Momma !

Submitted on behalf of Alex the 'A-Train' :)

Rob said...

Bow down to my lyrical superiority!

To enhance my cycling prowess
I put my legs under duress
with intent like a pirannha
and like the lions of Botswana
I ride with the Ghost and the Darkness

Anonymous said...

They’re beautiful, soft and girlie.
They start just below the curlies.
They refuse to feel burn,
But a few heads they turn,
I call them Laverne and Shirley.


Trev's whorey wife

Anonymous said...

Names: Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman

A triathlon I have entered in,
can I count on Medicine woman and Dr. Quinn,
these quads through the spandex I show,
in this race will I again blow,
another finish for the dump bin.

Hal

Anonymous said...

This is close (I dropped out of grade 10 poetry)...

I still can't believe I'm turning 30,
I walked up to this girl, she said 'no flirty!'
Climbing hills can be fun
Racing crits? I'd rather run!
Who you talkn' to? I'm White & Nerdy!

FW

Anonymous said...

In between them is my wang,
which the shorts won't let hang,
Because they are white,
this won't seem right,
Introducing BA Barakus and Clubber Lang

Rod M

Anonymous said...

THERE WAS AN OLD MAN NAMED BRUCE,
WHO ALLOWED HIS THIGHS TO FLY LOOSE,

THE LEFT HE CALLED TEENEY
THE RIGHT WAS CALLED WEENEY

ARE THEY YOURS OR ARE YOU RIDING A GOOSE ?

Bruce Williams

Anonymous said...

The muscles once bulged in my thigh,
Til the surgery on the knee went awry,
Though in rehab I lunged,
The bulk was expunged,
So I'm now left with Olive and Popeye.

Paul Anderson said...

Summary after day 1:
The Accounting Nerd is pale & pasty
While Laverne & Shirley's are sleek & tasty
How lame is Dr Quinn
And the steroid induced twins?
The Pride and the Glory?
Tell me a story!
Lightning & Thunder looks more like Boy Wonder
And the Lions was written too hasty!

Laird said...

I started as a young up and comer
My days of acting were certainly funner
As I aged I wasn’t getting any faster
So I endorsed the all-might Thigh Master
Now I name them after me, one Suzanne and one Somer

Anonymous said...

Xena and Warrior Princess are hot, sexy sticks
We ride on the road to get our kicks
Sometimes we pass boys
Riding their expensive toys
And think, man those spandex must be tight on their d*cks. :)

Mandy

Anonymous said...

I ride in the rain,
Shave my legs through the pain,
Pray for sunshine and heat,
while I sit on my seat,
and push big gears with "Gimpy" and "Stumplestep"

Jer

Paul Anderson said...

Summary after Day 4:

The quiet was broken
Three's company has spoken
Mandy was quiet all morning
But then fired without warning
And noticed our spandex was pokin'.

Jeremy came back just in time
Nothing from Vancouver was a crime
It was a mighty good try,
from our west coast guy
But didn't realize the trick was to rhyme.

Anonymous said...

I wanted to name them for the characters at Pawtucket;
Like Cleveland and Quagmire or Stewie and his bucket;
Or perhaps a Pewterschmidt
But couldn't get the rhyme to fit;
So in the end I had to just say forget it.
The Family Guy

Anonymous said...

These poems have been quite funny
Especially that trashy mouth honey
I know I'll be grinning
When I dust her with fast spinning
And leaving her to look at my money!

Dan S

Mark said...

Here is the story of Sasquatch and Yeti
Two thighs a thunderin’, all hot and sweaty
These shaggy beasts
Not shorn in the least
To part them and their hair would be petty

Mark S

Rob said...

For Steve G:

Steve is tough like an old Chevy Radiator
We really should call him the 'Refrigerator'
His thighs have no name*
which is a terrible shame
Because he rides like a Roman Gladiator

*no name that I am currently aware of

Rob said...

The hills is where I'm known to rumble
I like to make my rivals crumble
my legs are quite slight
but pack a huge fight
may I introduce 'Stiltskin' and 'Rumple'

Anonymous said...

Thigh Names: Sturm und Drang

The suffering won’t last for long
They’ll be leaving the bunch right or wrong
In valiant attack
You’ll soon see their back
As Theory release Sturm und Drang

Sturm und drang is a German phrase meaning “stress and urge”. It was a term used for a literary and philosophical movement in the late 18th century. It has the advantage of being German so you get to pretentiously pronounce it as “shturm und drung” and you can pretend to be an intellectual all at the same time. I can’t imagine how it could lose.


Darryl Parry (dgparryattelusdotnet)

Anonymous said...

On the trainers we do sit
With Heavy Metal pushing the fit
Dance Mix is strong
Moving the hip crowd along
But it’s ‘Rock and Roll’ that will never quit

Rick M

Anonymous said...

I'm just a girl therefore I must be as slow as molasses
But I've been taking the Speed Theory spin classes
So very soon
You'll be singing a different tune
When I lay "Mega" and "Hertz" on your @sses


Kim

Anonymous said...

I'm as dumb as a stump,
I pedal with from my rump,
Can't find the rhyme,
Or beat Paul's time,
So I'll be on the toilet takin' a dump.

grant said...

I have two good friends that have a hard time relaxing
Some days they contract so much I end up collapsing
They put others in pain
As I lead out the train
Presenting Alpha and Omega, your end, my beginning

Grant (aka G-Force)

Anonymous said...

Submitted by Mitzi

There once was a Mom & Pop team
They, 'Hera & Zeus' had a dream
To have thighs of steel
by peddling on a wheel
Now this is an Olympian's dream

polishbaba said...

I won’t lose my hair
I shave my legs
I worry about the size of my ass
I don’t like being referred to as a babe or chick
I am a woman
Held up by my redwoods
So proudly named Thunder and Glory

Sandra

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