Monday, September 8, 2008

Breaking the Silence - TransRockies Stage 2


I didn't get a chance to post this message earlier as I was concerned about my mental health, my therapist said I can talk about it freely now.

Anyways, something really funny happened on Stage 2 of the TransRockies that I want to share with you all. Some of you might now that I have a past history of swearing in front of children, getting mad at silly things, or even throwing hard tail mountain bikes down into logged out ravines in anger. The Fernie bike toss will forever be my greatest moment as I not only threw the bike once, I trudged down into the ravine, brought that bike out and then threw it again for extra measure. Right Trev!

Anyways, after Trev and Charlie made us all hump our bikes off course for 1.5 hours up a mountain side, then turn around and climb down the hill still carrying our bikes because it was so freakin steep that you couldn't hold onto the bike pointing down, my patience was wearing a little thin. You may have all heard about this little detour, we were off course for 2 hours and were behind schedule, for me it was the calorie schedule. I was really hungry and needed to get some of the nice fruit they had at the checkpoints. 

My partner Dennis and I were stuck behind some extremely slow people as we were heading to Bear Creek. When god decided to create evil on earth, he created Satan, my parents, and Bear Creek. Some of the really slow people were lead jersey wearing types in their categories. Quick note to any of the ladies on the Speed Theory team, you could probably lay waste to the girls that won, they weren't technical at all. I'm talking "falling over a toothpick on the ground brutal!"  As we were progressing to the nightmare called Bear Creek I heard some awful commotion behind me, "North Shore Rider coming through!" In total disbelief we were passed by a rider who shall remain nameless (it rhymes with Pohn Cramsden) was yelling at everyone that we should all pull over to let his royalness get by. Not impressed. Nor was I impressed with the German couple that I was stuck behind, she will now be referred to as the Fat Frauline who would be my nemesis to the final day! She was even worse then the ladies overall leaders. If she saw a rock on the ground, it was too much for her. 

We are now in the middle of Bear Creek and Fat Frauline steps off her bike for the 10000th time sending me into the bush on a tight turn, where I then sliced a nice 4 inch long gash across my forearm that was really bleeding. I am now losing my mind in frustration with no calories, no aid station, no way to get past her and blood pouring down my arm. After screaming a hundred farfegnuggins (The F Word) I heard more commotion behind me. "Slower riders mover over, North Shore coming through!" The alarm bells start ringing, Incredible Hulk blood pressure - eye bulging starts happening and now I am really f-ing mad. Dennis was too far behind me to notice that I was about to transform into "Slayer Dan" and it's game time. 

With blood running down my arm, and pure vengeance in my eyes, I slowly turn my head and yell at the second North Shore rider, "Fine mother f-ker, go ahead of me, follow her down the hill." He then returns to me "Get out of the way, your on the f-ing trail!" I volley back, "There's lots of f-ing room here, go around me!" (I'm hardly on the trail, covered in dirt and twigs from crashing behind the chubby struedel girl) "Your still in the way f-ker!" he yells at me and then gets around.

Now I am really pissed and it is my sole mission to ride aggressive to force that rider into making mistakes and yelling at him the entire way to the control station. I'm taking chances, jumping through streams with anger surging through my veins. It was like skating in oatmeal, I couldn't keep up to him and I was still blocked by Hansel and "Eating donuts on the trail" Gretel. Dennis finally caught up to me and realized that something was seriously wrong with my mental state, we were riding super aggressive and he was trying to stay with me. Just when I had him back in my sights to wreak havoc, pist! Flat tire! All of my positive and negative energy decided to fight it out through a 1/4" gash in my back tire and my day was basically over. 

I had to ride the last 20 km nursing a tire that could barely hold air, an arm that was still bleeding, and a temper that was still flaring. If Mike Godfrey was on the trail he would have been proud, in 25 seconds I had one of the most thrilling verbal exchanges with a former NHL hockey player ever. If anyone can't guess who I had it out with that day, it rhymes with Mevor Plinden. It was quite funny and scary, I am sure it would not have been good for me to be airlifted out of the bush with a broken face because of a fist fight. They were our unwritten competition for the rest of the week and we beat them several times. They cooked us in the time trial though. 

All that being said, if you are ever on a trail and you hear someone from behind yelling "North Shore rider coming through, you have my permission and backing to start swinging!

Also, if you want to know something about the race community at TR, Dennis and I stopped our race at one of the most critical stages to help a first aid motor biker get his motorbike up to the rock garden, it set us back about 10 minutes by helping him, and who knows about the physical toll about lifting a motorbike up the freakin cliff. It sure might have had something to do with me crashing into the ground 25 feet from the finish line, but that is another story.



1 comment:

RobLukacs said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA that made my whole day. Good work Dan!

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